Golden Locks
by bunnygoats
Summary: Emma never saw it coming, but when it did, nothing would ever be the same for Storybrooke ever again. But will Hook find her attacker? And will she get out of the experience alive?
1. The attack

As Emma walked along the rode a random, short, blonde chick came out of no where and punched her in the face. Emma, being the mary-sue character that she is, was supprised that anyone could possibly hold enough anger against her to punch her so hard. I mean even the freaking villains of the freaking show at times are okay with her. SO ANYWAY THIS LITTLE BLONDE CHICK THEN KICKED HER AS HARD AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE IN THE STOMACH. SHE THEN GREW CLAWS AND RIPPED THEM THROUGH EMMA'S EYE SOCKETS AND DOWN HER CHEEKS. SHE THEN STABBED EMMA TEN TIMES IN THE HEART WITH A KNIFE. The girl then smiled, brushed her hands of, said "And now everything can be right with this show." And skipped off happily into the sunset.


	2. Human Vegetable Reproduction

Global warming is thought to be an increase in temperatures around the earth, believed to be because of increases in greenhouse gasses. Regina was much like that too. She had a lot of gas and she knew exactly when to use it. And this was exactly the time to use those good ol' greenhouse gasses.  
Regina was a woman of science. She liked her eyes constantly filled with poppy seeds so that she could see the darkness in everything. So when the tall, dark pirate came up she continued to tell him about how she was a lemon in a pile of avocadoes. Then she let out the greenhouse gasses and he ran off.  
Apparently this was a problem because the rejection killed her and then Regina exploded into a pile of blue bunnies which Snow white began singing to. Regina then made sure to eat all of the poppy seeds (that had formerly been in her eyes) which turned her into super Mario.  
Then she woke up.  
What a strange dream  
Or was it?

Regina looked around, narrowing her blue eyes as she searched her surroundings. But of course there was only one real problem…. Her eyes weren't eyes. They were blue bunnies.  
Of course this was to be expected when you're pregnant from a baked potato. It was an unusual occurrence but Archie was the best of baked potatoes. Not scandalous like the rest of them. But pregnancies were kind of strange. Sometimes your eyes randomly turned into bunnies. But of course you know that since you're pregnant right now with a baked potato.  
But Killian Jones the elf didn't like that the baked potato had impregnated her. He was a non-believer of vegetable-human breeding. That stupid racist  
It seemed that the entire town was against Regina, but she would survive! It would be difficult, but Regina was a man of her word. And yes, a man, because pregnant women are also called men.  
Anyway, Regina wasn't feeling so well so he went to the doctor. The doctor asked Regina what felt wrong but he replied that he wasn't sure what was wrong.  
The doctor pointed to her overly potato-looking lips and said "Is it your lips?"  
He nodded and said "Yes. It's because I love radishes."  
"That is most certainly correct." Agreed the doctor, who reached to bite one of her potato lips.  
Regina kissed him back before exploding into bright blue flies. It was the end of the pregnancy for her. Nothing would ever be the same without the beautiful perfect lordess of the flies. And that was the chapter of Regina Ploppo. Or mills. Whatever.


	3. Twoo Love or the Symptom of Disease?

After Regina received a prompt for her life, she decided that she no longer wanted to be exploded. So she walked up to the mirror, her hips swaying in the darkness of midnight, when she saw it. There was something bright red flowing from her ear, prompting Regina to scream and fall back into the floor, her brown eyes widening with surprise.

But it wasn't blood, it wasn't blood. She was okay. She touched the firm redness on her ear and found that it was a complete orb stopping her from hearing. She gasped as she realized what it was….A symptom of true love. It was said that your lover was supposed to sleep on the side where your ear was mute and you wouldn't hear their snoring, therefore condemning you to love.

Regina crawled up to the milk cellar where she drunk goblets of the gooey, crushmey stuff and filled the room with gallons of it so that she could swim.

Once she was done with that she went to the doctor to get it checked out. But with Emma gone, it was hard to know if it was hookitis or love…There was only one way to find out

TO BE CONTINUED….


End file.
